This Week on the Boob Tube: Competitive Reality TV

MOOD | ecstatic
CRAVING FOR | a few more hours before sleeping
RANDOM | i wonder how long this blogging gimmick will last :)




My hands are tied. Really tied. There's work, my studies, this blog, and, most tiring of ALL, the amount of time I have to spend watching all these awesome new shows. It's such a burden. Can you imagine the time spent on finding the torrents, waiting for them to seed, waiting for them to download, and finally, the tiresome task of actually watching them in my laptop? Can you just imagine the radiation? Gosh.

But who am I to deny The Powers That Be, right? It's my job to endure the laughter, the excitement, and the occasional irrational hate towards annoying and stupid characters/contestants. I may end up in the mental hospital needing treatment for excessive attachment to a contestant in a reality show, but I have to do this. I have to.

Anyway, let's grade shows! Fun, fun, fun!

WARNING | If you're not watching the latest episodes of these shows, you will be spoiler-ed. Okay. Let's grade shows!

Season 15, Episode 1

"They Thought Godzilla Was Walking Down the Street"

{A-}

FAVORITE MOMENT(S) | The surprise elimination at the very start of the race. The I Survived A Japanese Game Show Roadblock. Contrary to the opinions of other people in the forums, I actually loved the Japan half of the 2-hour premiere more than the Vietnam half. The first half was exciting and new; the second half, typical TAR fare.

THEY WHO ANNOY | Lance the lawyer. Too shouty. Meathead.

THEY WHO WILL CROSS THE FINISH LINE FIRST | I'm hereby placing my bet on Sam and D(e)an, the gay brothers. Meghan and Cheyne may give them a run for their money, however.

Season 13, Episode 3

"Make Me Tall"

{B+}

FAVORITE MOMENT(S) | Lulu's elimination. After complaining and criticizing people the entire episode, she finally got her comeuppance.

THEY WHO ANNOY | Lulu and Ashley, the biatches who whined and talked shit about everyone else. Good thing one of them got booted out. I was hoping it was Ashley, because she's so unforgettable, but in any case, I don't really like how Lulu looks in her photos and in panel, so she's also good to go.

SHE WHOSE PICTURE TYRA WILL HOLD LAST IN HER HANDS | No preferences yet, but I'm leaning towards Erin. I just wished Tyra didn't bleach her eyebrows. The thing just looks awful.

Season 6, Episode 11

"6 Chefs Compete"

{B}

FAVORITE MOMENT(S) | The Taste It, Make It challenge. I love these palate challenges. The talented chefs here fall into two categories: those who are good in service, and those who have amazing palates. There have been several seasons where the Final Two chefs had a service vs. palate thing going on. 

THEY WHO ANNOY | Tennille leading the pack? That is not a good sign. I mean, kudos for rising from the kitchen undead, but I do not want to see her shouty self in the Final Two. No way.

HE/SHE WHO WILL BECOME HEAD CHEF OF ARAXI  | Kevin. He's not a favorite (not like Michael from Season 1, or Christina from Season 4), but he's the sanest of the bunch. I don't like Dave because time seems to slow down terribly when he talks, and he reminds me too much of last year's winner (I don't even remember his name, anymore. I think it starts with a D.)

Season 6, Episode 6

"Lights, Camera, Sew"

{A}

FAVORITE MOMENT(S) | I love Ra'mon, but man, that reptilian outfit deserved to be trashed. The elimination was totally unexpected, however, because I have had the impression that Project Runway keeps its favorites safe. And Ra'mon was definitely a frontrunner earlier on.

THEY WHO ANNOY | While I may love Nicolas's "cinematic" Ice Queen ensemble, I don't necessarily have to like him. He annoys me more than Shirin annoys the hell out of him. And Gordana in the bottom two? Again? I really, really like her workmanship-- everything she does seems very well-made. I know that the judges are looking for more oomph, and this may be just a wake-up call rather than a real threat, but whatever. She doesn't deserve to be in the bottom three. For now.

HE/SHE WHO WILL WOW THE CROWD IN BRYANT PARK  | In terms of craftmanship, I'm all for Gordana's wearable dresses ("wearable" being a bad thing now, apparently), but in terms of ambition (and therefore the ability to win the show), I'm gunning for Christopher. 

Season 6, Episode 6

"Penn and Teller"

{A}

FAVORITE MOMENT(S) | Loved the idea behind the Quickfire challenge: cook a tandem of two dishes showcasing the contrast between the "Angel" and the "Devil" themes. I hated that Robin won, but the idea rocks. I also cheered at Jennifer's inclusion in the Top Four despite having problems with the Deconstruction Elimination Challenge. She really kicks ass in this male-dominated season.

THEY WHO ANNOY | Robin's Quickfire win and the consequent immunity from elimination. The comeback of the annoyingly talkative Toby Young (bring Gail back, please!). And Tom Colicchio, but he's been annoying me since perhaps Season 3.

HE/SHE WHO WILL COOK AT THE FOOD & WINE SHOW IN ASPEN  | I acknowledge that most of the male cheftestants this season are great, but I have my eyes set on only one person in the competition, and this cheftestant is a she: Jennifer. May come across as cutthroat, but who cares? At least my food tastes and looks good.

I'm having second thoughts posting the second part of this assessment (involving non-reality TV shows) because this took so goddam long, but let's see. I might have a stroke of inspiration somewhere. Besides, can I really resist talking about Dan's exodus from social Siberia, or Mischa Barton's atrocious acting, or the gloriousness that is Glee?

Stay tuned.