Of Hearts and Heartaches (III)

MOOD | pensive
CRAVING FOR | love
RANDOM | boracay in 2 weeks




Of Hearts and Heartaches
A Soap Opera of Madness


There is method to the madness.

Let us begin with a character named K. K, once upon a recent time, loved N, but that love, though lingering, is now slowly disappearing like ice on the polar caps. It's been a tough journey, but K is now ready to face other people. The first person in K's way? A character named L.

K is ambivalent about L, but L is enamored by K. However, another character named W is in this story, and W does not want K with L. W wants K with D, instead, but D is a person who likes things the easy way. D is cool enough with K, but because K is not that interested (because of the above-mentioned lingering love), D calls J and asks for a date. J is another character altogether. J declines the date.

K hypothesizes that W does not want K with L because W likes K. Recent events have revealed, however, that W actually likes L and not K. Unfortunately for W, L does not like W, but likes K. Interestingly, K liked W once upon a time, and K thinks that W likes K back, which was what prompted the hypothesis in the first place.

J, on the other hand, loved K eons ago, but that polar cap had already melted. What took its place was an enchantment for K. J and K had an intimate moment, but now K is already committed with K, which sort of takes out J out of the equation. J, however, still has bouts of "like" for K, but knows that the verdict is already out on that one. Instead, J turned J's eyes to W. Like K, J liked W once upon a time. But J knew W liked K more than W liked J, so J shrugged it off.

Just to clarify (haha): in between the K-W period and the K-L period, there were the K-N and the J-N periods. But N lost K and N lost J, and that was when K found L and J found W again. This time, J was hesitant about W because of certain values differences; W, on the other hand, appeared to like J. In any case, J stalled. But now, after some soul-searching, J has decided to pursue W. But the news came out that W actually likes L, and now W, who once liked J, is now ambivalent about J.

J thinks about N and the what-ifs. But J does not like N despite knowing that N likes J. J also thinks of L (in the sense that L is cute), but knows that K likes L to a certain degree and L likes K.

And just to add a wrench into the whole machinery, L now has a girlfriend named F.

Like I said, there is method to the madness. With a little luck and a lot of persistency, somebody's bound to get it. As for the madness that prompted me to write this entry in the first place? That no one can decipher; that no one can get.

Perhaps that's just as well, because I'm getting tired of figuring things out myself.

When Smiles Fade

MOOD | melancholic
CRAVING FOR | serenity for someone i barely know
RANDOM | death is imminent





I keep coming back to the messages that pile up by the minute in your Facebook site. I am transfixed by the outpouring of grief and memories posted by your friends and colleagues. I do not know you that well, except that you are a friend of my friend, but I am rendered motionless by this shocking event.

It's not fair. No one deserves to die at 30.

Mortality has never come this close to me before, and the reality is jarring. One look at your profile page is all it takes to see how life can sometimes play a different tune from the song we've composed in our heads. Your personal motto may have been foretelling-- "no pain, no gain"-- but no one can really be prepared for this, and I sincerely hope that there was no pain.

I take a look at the number of friends you have, and I realize that it will forever remain at 4,394. I take a look at our 8 mutual friends, and I know that there won't be another one. I take a look at your primary photo and it strikes me that your smile-- that beam that radiates with so much happiness-- will remain frozen in your pictures, lingering with the memories of a life that has been cut too early, cut too short.

That smile may fade from your body, but from your spirit it never will. That smile will certainly not fade from the hearts of your family, or from the hearts of your friends, or from ours who are reminded of our humanity by your passing. Rest in peace, that's all we can ask.

When smiles fade, that's all we can offer.

How to Get Unstuck in One Easy Step

MOOD | itching to study
CRAVING FOR | a more productive study day tomorrow

RANDOM | i was sipping on chamomile tea at 1:30 in the afternoon

The best way to start a blog is to write something hopeful. I'm not a superstitious person, but perhaps there's something to this belief. It can only do good, after all-- a hopeful entry is an invitation for inspiration, a refreshing beginning for what possibly may be good times ahead. While there may be appropriate times to write an emo-centric post, the first few entries are definitely not those times.

But I have to make an exception this time around. I just need to get something off my chest.

I move on easily. This is a characteristic I am grateful for. I have always been a forward-looking person, and it shows. I did not cry during my high school graduation, for instance, because college was just around the corner. What use were tears over parting times when you could get excited about moving to Manila, studying in Ateneo, and meeting new and awesome people, instead? In the same 'unfeeling' manner, no tears were shed during my college graduation. With a job as a management associate in the number one insurance company in the Philippines-- why weep? And just to drive the point home further: I did not lament my fate when management training ended and I got rotated into the actuarial department (the profession of my dreams!) and I did not bawl when I left my previous company to pursue another (closer to home! higher pay! less stressful life!).

How I act in my academic and corporate affairs, I do the same in other aspects of my life. Being heartbroken is a fact, but so is moving on. Losing someone you love is a fact, but so is recuperating from the pain. Living your days feeling lonely and alone is a fact, but so is coming out stronger in the end.

Half-empty, half-full.

Circumstances may dictate where you are now, but you always have a choice to see things in a different perspective. Think you're stuck in a bad place? Being stuck is actually an active choice, one that involves holding on to a past that no longer fits with the present. The title may be overly presumptuous-- we cannot possibly get unstuck in one easy step-- but at the same time, that one step is all it takes to start moving forward. I think it was Lao Tzu or Confucius who wrote that a "journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step," and wouldn't you know it? A practical proverb that makes sense. Why pin your hopes on uncertainty? Why bear the pain longer than necessary? Why wait?

And gosh, wouldn't you know it? I think I wrote a hopeful post, after all.